Datalore – 1.12

I was inspired by Anna’s goldmine of unearthed season one episodes that I delved into an episode that introduces one of the characters that actually terrified me as a child: Data’s twin brother Lore. What I wasn’t prepared for was that there was a whole fucking backstory that I had never known about, probably because it’s terrible and doesn’t actually make sense. I gave one shot at trying to put it in simple terms here and failed miserably, so the intensely curious can go read the article on Memory Alpha

Double unfortunately, there weren’t a ton of fashions in this ep, but there were a couple worth noting. The most exciting is a Wesley sweater that we actually already saw but since Anna was dealing with a LOT of other things (like all the shades of beige), I figured we could take another look at this outfit.

112-01

What’s… happening… to… me…?

I think the first thing that we need to discuss is that this is in fact NOT a sweater, but some sort of cruel futuristic bustier for young men who want to hide their hideous upper bodies, but want to accentuate their slim, lady-like waist and have a giant arrow pointing at their crotchal region. Seriously, that… waistband((?)) is grasping Wes’ sides harder than that shellac that Romulans so charmingly refer to as their hair. Also, that waistband is pleated. Also also, I’ve only ever seen that method of fabric gathering they’re using just above the waistband employed in one other instance:

Uh-oh. Spaghetti-no.

It’s fine for chefs, but for a teenager who is doing a grown-up’s job (like steering a starship)? I don’t think so. I’m also starting to wonder if Wil Wheaton didn’t have one of those freakishly long torsos, like Michael Phelps or those aliens from Attack of the Clones. Because I can never really figure out what’s going on with these high waists.

112-02

Riker: all shoulders. He stole Wesley’s, apparently.

It really looks like at some point, someone considered that maybe this outfit should be made inflatable. Part of me has to wonder if, since parachute pants were going through their renaissance at this time, the costume designer thought that, maybe someday, the trend would reverse and parachute tops would come in vogue.

Okay, so we have a puffy top, pleated, pointed waist… what next? How about an unnecessary design element? It is the future after all.

112-03

They won’t recognize him as a child unless he’s wearing some deadened colors.

This seems to be another growing trend: the marrying of two garments to produce a new, futuristic garment. I’m not sure if it’s actually working, but I like to see that whomever had to execute this outfit felt the same way. What’s with that shoulder? Not enough time to sew it to the sleeve before shooting started? Of course, one might assume that this outfit would be symmetrical, because, you know, human bodies are symmetrical. But nope:

112-05

It’s like a 10-car pileup, but with stripes.

Actually, that’s kind of hard to see. ZOOM AND ENHANCE!

112-06

I can’t tell… does this mean they care, or that they really don’t?

Listen guys, in the FUTURE there are ANGLES and OVERLAPPING FABRICS and NO ONE CAN HOLD YOU BACK. Part of me has to wonder if Wesley’s sweaters were the fashion equivalent of a free write: just put ideas down and don’t edit them. Except then, instead of hiding that writing away where no one will see it, they put it on a nationally syndicated television show.

Now all we’re missing is a pretty inconvenient fastening method. How is he supposed to get into this giant fabric zeppelin?

112-07

Opens along the neck for easy space-vampire access.

Really, guys? A neck/shoulder opening? Have you no shame? Have you no mercy? Considering how obvious you made the zippers on Wes’ later outfits, you went through a lot of trouble to make it look like he put this on by swaddling him in it as a baby and letting his body grow into it over a period of fifteen years.

All I can say is mad props to Wil Wheaton for being able to stay focused amidst all this. Case in point:

112-08

Always a professional, eyes on the job, not on the stems.

Anyway, before I end up writing a dissertation on this outfit, we can take a quick look at the other quick fashions. First, we know how Anna feels about Beverly’s Season 1 hair, but I will say there was one nice moment where she did a quick head turn:

112-09

WERK!

Too bad she’s wearing that huge, bulky doctor’s coat. Let’s take a closer look at that for a hot second:

112-10

I’m blue, a-boo-dee, a-boo-dah.

What’s with those thick seams along the collar, shoulder, and randomly 1/4 of the way down the upper arm? I feel like they gave her something a little more streamlined later on, when they realized that the aesthetic for the future should be more aerodynamic. These thick seams suggest that the whole thing is made out of that cheap fabric you find in Chinatown knockoffs of Old Navy Fleece with tags that try and convince you that “inflammable” means “not flammable”. Anyway, Lore apparently feels the same as I do:

112-11

FASHION ARSON!

That’s two eps in a row with burning clothes! Rock!

We’re treated to some nice Season 1 Worf stylings here in this ep too:

112-17

Garnet and Gold are actually my new school colors. This is not a joke, just information.

I had an epiphany actually while I was looking at this, thinking that the woven metal sash with a fringe suggests that Worf is some sort of metal/sci-fi/cowboy hybrid… which is kind of what a Klingon is. 

Anywho, Lore:

112-12

I think the thing I found most creepy about him as a kid was that Data never smiled, and Lore always had this sassy, slightly dirty smile… and inflection in his voice. Inflection… *shiver*. Plus he’s so evil! I tried to find a good list of evil robots online, which would necessarily include Lore and the Robot Devil from Futurama, but no dice (one list tried to convince me that “HAL-3000” was a robot, but that’s incorrect, he’s an evil computer… get it right, internet). 

Here’s Lore’s getup.

112-13

Mustard vs. Camel… FIGHT!

Lore looks like he’s dressed how the 1970s envisioned the professors of the future might dress. It’d almost be a nice trench, except that if we backup a few frames we realize that no one on the enterprise would be allowed to wear something as nice as a trench coat:

112-13

JUMPSUIT’D!

Once again, the fashions of the 24th Century seem intent on giving anyone not in a Starfleet uniform the biggest, boxiest waist and hips possible. Between that and the color, it’s no wonder that Lore was so evil.

Last, but not least, every posatronic Soongian android comes, of course, with assembly required:

112-14

Unfortunately, the assembly instructions for LØR are in Swedish.

It’s nice to know that the technology of creating body matches will have improved by the time Six Feet Under rolls around, because someone put way too much shine on Lore’s head:

112-15

It’s like looking into a shiny, badly-coiffed reflection of myself.

I mean, I guess they weren’t even really trying that hard, seeing as how the noses and chins are completely off. Oh well. I think what we’re all really concerned with is this:

112-16

Default position is clench?

Aaaaaaand I’m done.

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