I’ve just been in a real later-on mood with the show lately, you know? You’d think that they’d’ve started running out of stuff, but, apparently not. (Actually, when I was trying to figure out where they filmed TNG, I did find out that all the actors’ contracts were for eight seasons, but that Paramount didn’t renew the show because it was so expensive to make. Think of it! We could have had a whole nother season of TNG!)
Anyway, just because they were coming up with stories didn’t make them any less bananas. This episode opens up with Worf having trouble getting on his Starfleet formalwear:
You know, I think Worf probably could take a Mr. Universe pageant. And by take, I mean UTTERLY DESTROY IN THE FIELD OF BATTLE. In fact, why isn’t that part of the Mr. Universe pageant?
Fortunately, Riker shows up to help him with his… sash? I wish I could say that there’s a cute moment where Riker stands behind Worf to tie it for him, but it happens off screen, which, needless to say guys, is a MISSED MOMENT. We do get a nice moment of Riker being sassy and Worf being exasperated:
Riker: We are two good-looking guys. Worf: Excuse me sir? Riker: I wasn’t talking about you.
Worf actually says, “I feel like I’m wearing a dress”, which feels faked, since we’ve seen that Klingon dresses are made largely out of metal and balls. I actually thought we’d done a Klingon dresses episode, but I searched the site for “boob window” and all I got was results for Luxwanna Troi. Anyway. What you think of that sash, Worf?
That mustard/silver combination ain’t great, but can we talk about how nicely conditioned his ponytail is?
The reason they’re getting all dressed up is because the Enterprise welcoming a couple of ambassadors on board from a planet the Federation has never had contact with before. Oh goody! I wonder what kind of crazy fashions these aliens from an unknown planet will—
They still haven’t invented the color wheel, so technically, we’re violating the Prime Directive right now.
To be fair, that one dude has a weird gold blob on his chest, but I’m sure that won’t be important to the plot later. By comparison, the Starfleet uniforms look positively kaleidoscopic.
Riker: God, Deanna is SO BORING. Worf: I’m so stoned right now.
Can we talk about a few things here? First, the one thing that makes these outfits formal are that gold stripe that comes out of their necks. I’m all for minimalist touches, but it doesn’t exactly say full dress. They should at least have little hats or a sword or something. Second, how luxury is that velour captain’s jacket, amirite or amirite? No wonder Picard is so happy! Don’t you just want to rub your bald ahead against it? That’s right, Picard, we know what happens behind the doors of the captain’s quarters.
So part of the plot of this episode is that while the two liaisons are on the Enterprise, Picard is going to go off to their home planet and meet with an Emissary or something.
In the future, everything is geometrical, including my change of clothes.
Okay, so I had actually written a bunch more of this post before, and then I accidentally navigated away from the page without saving the a draft and LOST EVERYTHING. Anyway, I had found gym bags online that kinda looked like that and we could get our own logo on it, and I was going to see if any of y’all wanted Fashion It So branded gymbags. Mostly, I just need a gym bag, and thought it would be a good conversation starter at the gym with guys. “What? Oh, no, I just do this TNG Fashion blog on the side. Why, yes, I will marry you!” Anyway, where was I.
OH YES. So, as part of the welcome for the liaisons is a party in Ten Forward, and man, are there some fantastic civvies in the background:
Ok, costume department, we’re going to need some radioactive green pants, grown-up size purple OshKosh overalls, and… a guy in a suit.
I really want to have been a fly on the wall of the costume department for this selection, because these costumes are all over the place! I mean, whomever took the fabric to turn those pants into pants (they almost look like the boots come directly out of the pants… like little booties) seriously needs to reevaluate their life. At first I wasn’t sure about the purple overalls, but then there’s a two-second glimpse:
The purple overalls really got me. My sister used to have a pair of those when she was 1 or 2, and she **ROCKED** them. This girl is doing an okay job. It’s nice to know that OshKosh is still going in the 24th century. That guy in the suit really killed me—he must have wandered in from some other set, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone wear a suit on the enterprise. And he’s not the only one whose wandered in from the ’80s…
I swear to god, at some point I saw Bebe Neuwirth wearing that long blazer and tights outfit combination. I spent quite a bit of time trying to find footage of something similar, and while I came up empty handed on that front, I did find this, which was AMAZING:
Huh, I guess he does have emotions.
To be fair, she does have the same turtleneck and hairdo as the woman in red. In fact, the coat seems to be the right dimensions too. Anyway.
Troi has been put in charge of stumpy here, and he’s just discovered the word “delicious”. Troi is almost as renowned for her love of chocolate desserts as she is for her plunging cleavage, but the guy has her consuming sugar like an unscrupulous diabetic in a 7-Eleven (or, like we have on campus, a “Circle K”).
When your drink is the most colorful thing about you, you need to reexamine your priorities.
Part of me really hopes that they’re drinking Tang, because that would be fantastic. The reason I grabbed this shot though is… what is happening with Troi’s hair? It’s just too much. It looks like there’s a family of beavers in there. Actually, I know where I’ve seen that before:
It might be time to update your look, Troi.
However, the most awkward part of the episode comes right after this, when Troi’s liaison gets distracted by something he’s never seen before.
That kid’s look pretty much says everything.
This young acting prodigy playing the role of “Eric” is Ricky D’Shon Collins who is definitely earning his keep in this episode (and definitely earning that apostrophe in D’Shon, bokay?). At least the color combinations on his outfit aren’t totally jarring, and feel like something that might someday be aesthetically pleasing. Too bad this creepazoid is all up in his shit.
That’s right, kid, this is wrong.
I actually at this point was really starting to like this outfit as a tasteful vest/turtleneck combo for a kid, though I might not have the turtleneck be a different color (why is that even an option?) but then I started to worry… tasteful clothing? On the enterprise?
“Do you like… dessert?”
THIS IS ACTUALLY THE LINE THAT HE SAYS! TO THIS LITTLE BOY! I think we are all feeling like the look on Troi’s face. Eric is all about it though. He needs to take a lesson from Chris Griffin.
Anyway, as I was saying before, I knew something ugly was going to have to rear it’s heard re: Eric’s outfit, and lo and behold:
There is nothing right about this.
I don’t even know what to call that. Sleeveless onesie? Vest-topped jumpsuit? HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO USE THE BATHROOM IN THAT THING? I bet you five dollars it doesn’t have a fly.
Anyway, as long as we’re on the Troi train, there’s just one more moment to share. It turns out that these Liaisons are here to study the Federation and the way they’re doing it is by trying to push people to their limits: overindulging Troi, and the other guy, the tall one, fights with Worf. During the fight, though, there’s this fantastic moment:
The Girls are All Right
Another creepy smile from Troi’s Liaison, though I think that might be due to some ghosting. Troi’s rockin’ that gray jumpsuit, amirite?
So the B-story in this episode is that Picard and the Dude With The Golden Blob On His Chest (incidentally, that was going to be the follow-up to The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) crash land on this random planet, and Picard is rescued by a woman who’s been stranded there for 7 years.
Shoulders are so out right now. No, literally.
Throughout the awkward scenes, this woman, Anna, keeps professing her love for Picard, and you get the sense that she doesn’t want to be rescued, and just wants to make stranded planet babies with JLP (though, to be fair, who doesn’t?)
This is pretty standard Star Trek “rough and tumble” garb, as if peasants will never not be able to wear dresses. I don’t know if there’s much else to say about this, except that that squared off neckline seems to have the opposite effect that Deanna’s gray jumpsuit has.
You don’t want to stay with me in crazytown and father my children? Is it becuase of the one hole I have on my dress? Or is it this hideous jewelry?
So, yeah, girlfriend flies over the cuckoo’s nest a bit, but then things start to get weird, and, as it turns out:
The only reason to wear that ugly necklace is if it does something like this.
It was all a trick! The new alien species was trying to see if they could learn about humans by putting them under pressure! Ha ha ha ha! Just a misunderstanding!
Just you wait until you try and fly off this ship, Picard thought. You’ll learn plenty about us humans then. Heh, heh, heh.
Actually, I think the reason Picard is back to his old jovial self is because he has that luscious Captain’s Jacket back. In fact, the entire time he’s being held captive on the planet, his jacket is missing, so I can understand why he was so upset. All’s well that ends well, amirite, JLP?