Menage a Troi – 3.24

So everyone knows Deanna Troi (“Counselor Troi” if you’re nasty) is the resident va-va-voom eye candy for the folks out there who like ogling ladies. Charlie addressed this in an earlier post about her asymmetrical cleavage farm. But were you aware that her mother, Lwaxana Troi (“Ambassador Troi” if you’re nasty), is also a HOT MAMA who, in real life, was married to Gene Roddenberry and also did the computer voice for, like, ALL of the Star Trek franchises, including the new movie reboot, even though it came out AFTER SHE DIED?!?

Point is, she is fierce. So it comes as no surprise that some Ferengi (ugh, Ferengi) saw her at an event on the Enterprise and was like “OH DAMN I want to HIT THAT and also use her telepathic powers to swindle people.” I mean, if you saw this glamorous lady, wouldn’t you be down?

Let’s get a better look at that neckline, shall we?

Now, where Deanna is just like “hey world, check out these ta-tas,” Lwaxana is more subtle about it. “I’m wearing a turtlen-whoaaaaaaaaaa here is a triangle of SEXINESS.” Also, I love that it appears that the top of the gown is constructed of Christmas garland. She’s so festive.

But the hits don’t stop there. Now, what would YOU wear to a picnic on Betazed that you set up for the specific purpose of making a romantical scene for your as-yet-unmarried daughter and the highly eligible first officer on the ship she serves on? Probably something rather understated, comfortable, easy.

Not Lwaxana, though:

She went to the Betazed State Fair, raided the flower competition, and made a dress out of not only all the magenta blossoms in the place, but the prize ribbons as well. Is she trying to blend in with the garden? Attract bees to her Murphy-Brown-worthy shoulder pads instead of their sandwiches? Win a Project Runway challenge? It could be any of these, but she’s definitely not going for comfort:

The rest of the gown, which I couldn’t get a good shot of, looks like an old west courtesan met a circus performer and they had a skirt baby. You can kind of tell what’s happening with those pannier-type things in this shot. We’re not in a Holodeck program, Lwaxana! This isn’t a saloon!

Deanna Troi, meanwhile, actually looks kind of cute, though this dress doesn’t really fit her:

She has a bit of the polterwang about her in this shot, but truly? I like this on her. She’s got great gams, it’s a nice color, the neckline is interesting, it seems like it would probably be comfortable, and from the looks of it, the Cleavage Garden is still erupting with goodness, at least from Riker’s vantage point. Plus, she’s always wearing those unforgiving jumpsuits, and this, I think, would let her breathe a little easier.

Now, you may be wondering why Lwaxana and her daughter are NOT in a garden in that previous shot. Well, that’s (of course) because that dumb Ferengi basically KIDNAPPED them to his ship so he could somehow strong-arm Lwaxana into marrying him. It’s a really dumb-ass plan, because a) he brings Troi and Riker for no real reason, and they are the ones who end up helping her escape and b) has he MET Lwaxana Troi? Girl will NOT do something she doesn’t want to, ever. But he does give it the old college try, which starts by transporting Troi and her mom into some separate room IN THE NUDE. Fortunately, this room has a random pile of shiny fabric in it so they can shield their dignity:

First of all, I want that fabric. Second of all, where did that shit even come from? What is it for? Are the Ferengis planning on creating a Studio 54 escape pod? Did they just decide they were really into Night at the Roxbury? Why is it just lying there? It’s unlikely we’ll get answers to these questions, but I will allow that there could be, for some reason, random fabric on a spaceship. What I CANNOT suspend my disbelief for is:

Where did that dress come from?! Did she MAKE it out of the fabric?!

It occurred to me later that what is more likely is that the “fabric” Troi and her mom picked up earlier WAS, in fact, the dresses, but they just didn’t have time to put them on and just wanted to hide their monster bazongas as fast as possible. But I love the idea of Lwaxana being like “hmm, maybe I’ll take this rainbow iridescent garbage bag and make a luxurious gown out of it to hide my shame from the gross little Ferengis.”

In case you were worried that she actually ends up with a Ferengi, don’t be: Lwaxana gets Picard to pretend he’s MADLY IN LOVE with her and will hunt down any man, Ferengi or otherwise, who tries to get with her, and Picard gets to threaten the Ferengi with contractually-obligated Shakespeare. All’s well that ends well, I guess? Except that flower gown. That is not well.

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