So in this episode, Picard and the gang are tootling around some star because some crazy magnetic shit is going on with it, and they want to check it out. They get a distress call from a freighter near the star from a guy named T’Jon who claims to be the captain of the ship, but when they ask him what’s wrong, and then explain to him how to fix it, he sounds basically retarded. Everyone is like “who is this guy and how did he get his own ship?” but they decide to beam them up anyway. But T’Jon and the other passengers send their cargo, a big space barrel, instead of themselves, and the crew of the Enterprise is super confused because HELLO people are totally more important than space barrels. Finally, the four passengers, two from each of two nearby planets, get beamed aboard, right as their freighter is blowing up, and both pairs tell Picard that they own the space barrel full of medicine. Apparently, the one planet produces the medicine that the other planet needs to survive (because they have a terrible plague).
This is T’Jon, the “captain” (right) and his buddy Romas, from a planet that apparently prizes looking like an old prospector. They claim that they paid, fair and square, for the space barrel, and they should get the medicine because they need it for the plague on their planet. Now, personally, I never trust anyone in overalls, but they seem like they need some kind of medicine, because they’re like FREAKING OUT for a lot of the episode. I blame the freakouts on the fact that they’re clad entirely in Mining Town Linen Blend.
Here we have Sobi and Langor, from the planet that produces the medicine, also known as Sweet Hair Disco Planet. I want to live in her hair, and have a summer home in his. Their lives are awesome because all they do on their planet is make this medicine needed by the prospector people, so they can wear shiny, shiny jackets and dresses and look at each other smugly all day long.
But it gets better when you get the full-length:
What is that dress!? If those cutouts are supposed to be Space Sexy, it is not working. And whatever it’s doing to her boobs is not nice. AND there is some sort of valance around her midsection. I couldn’t get a good shot of the hemline, but it is a handkerchief hem. There’s a LOT going on. I just thank god his pants are flat-front, even if his jacket looks like it was made for little people.
So it turns out that the “plague” on the Prospector Planet is actually the WHOLE FUCKING PLANET being addicted to the “medicine” that the Disco Planet is producing, and Dr. Crusher is like PISSED about it, and they figure out a way to help the addict prospector planet without violating the Prime Directive. They do not figure out how T’Jon got his own ship dressed like he was panning for gold, though.